Wednesday, October 28, 2009

On the soft and comfortable bed, with my pillow and blanket, I was lying. Looking at the white and plain ceiling, I was trying to sleep, to the best of my capability, but to no avail.

I wonder if people's minds were made to think anytime and every time, or simply my mind was just too active for that night. Memories of what happened just a couple of years ago flowed through my mind with no restrains. Like an old man recapping his years of glory, I was thinking of the days where I could be carefree, and pursue my dreams.

As a toddler, there was nothing to worry about, for I knew nothing. As a pre-schooler, it was all play and no work, I could have fun all day, and no one will complain. As a student, I had friends who share the same dream as me, who could have fun with me all day. Now, I can only looks at the restrictive bindings that are tied on me, preventing me from going against the millitary laws. What I am going through is necessary, and essential to the country, but why do I have to endure all these? Why must I?

Then again, I thought even deeper. Why is it that people always compare present with the past? On countless occasions, I've seen my peers complaining how better off they were before this national obligation, and how much they could enjoy if they were not required to serve this few years.

No doubt, past is the only avenue for comparison with current situation. However we could never compare the past and present on equal grounds. We could only remember what was good in the past, and our current sufferings. We might have preference to remember only what was good, and unconsciously chose to forget what was unpleasant. In fact, during the same time where I thought was "better-off", I was complaining as well. Why did I not compare the current things that I enjoy with the previous responsibilities I had?

In fact, why even compare? Instead of spending the time thinking of how much better off I could be elsewhere, why not make use of whatever I currently hold, and make the most out of it? Instead of looking back and start comparing, I should look at my surroundings and start thinking. I could be unlocking so much more potentials to be the building blocks of my desired life.

The next time I look back, I might just realised I've built a nice and cozy home out of the place where I am put in.

At that time, I'm sure, I'd be putting that last block of brick on my dream castle.